On a Scale of One to Ten: Top 10 Life Lessons You Can Learn from ACORN

Pre-P.S., “On a Scale of One to Ten” is the new name of the series that was previously known as simply “Top Tens”.

ACORN has taught us so much.. let us reflect on their vast knowledge.

ACORN sure has been in the news a lot lately.  But even though they’ve been beaten down every day since last Thursday by a continuous flow of scandalous behavior, their acts aren’t all bad:  The various employees featured in the ACORN scandal tapes have taught us MANY life lessons.  Look below at the “Top 10 Life Lessons You Can Learn from ACORN!”

(In no particular order)

1. You can find common ground with anything. Imagine this scenario:  You’re a prostitute.  You’re ashamed of your work and you think others may judge you.  THINK AGAIN.  Video 4 shows us that the lady who is paid with your tax dollars very well may have been a prostitute a few short years ago.  You never know unless you ask.
2. Take pride in all that you do. Even if it’s prostitution.  Video 1 shows us that girls should never be embarrassed by what they do with themselves, as long as they are happy and doing well.  Forget that it’s illegal and trashy, to say the least.
3. Performing Arts is a very brooooaaaaad career field. Video 1 strikes again.  They always say about taking a test, “When in doubt, pick C”.  Well, ACORN says when in doubt about which career cluster to choose for your “unique” line of work, choose “performing arts”.  There’s a reason why prostitution isn’t listed on the code sheet, imbecile.
4. Become  a yardbird. When buying  a home, be sure to choose a home that has a huge back yard that is covered with lush grass because, according to Video 3, the best way to hide our valuables is to bury them.  This tip does not apply to hose living in New Orleans.
5. Help your neighbors. Even they are prostitutes about to smuggle 13 girls in illegally.  Offer them your help in any way possible.  If you sell goods or services, go a step higher like the ladies in Video 1 and offer the prostitute a discount for whatever you’re offering to help her get her feet off the ground in her “new office”.
6. Always be creative. You can’t call prostitution “prostitution” forever, you now.  Video 3 shows us that making a list of 3 different names for prostitution can be fun.  Homework: How many different ways can you call her a moron?
7. Don’t stress about the fine details in life. Just lop off a zero or two from your income when filing taxes and your good to go!  Video 1 shows us there’s no need to pay taxes for $96,000 of income when you could very easily pay taxes for $9,600 of income.  It’s not cheating, it’s just smart money-management.
8. Be proactive. If you think you’ve been wronged, do something about it!  Even if your in hot water for doing something far worse.  The Maryland office of ACORN reinforces this lesson by the lawsuit they lobbied against Fox News, Hannah Giles, and James O’Keefe, even though they currently don’t have a license to operate in Maryland.  ACORN’s offense of operating without a license is far more punishable by law, but because they got to the punch first they get a “Get Out of Jail Free” card.
9. Only speak when spoken to.  Don’t offer up the illegal aspects of your life unless your asked, and in that situation it’s no big deal to speak in code.  Video 1 shows us that the shadier details of your life should be kept under wraps.  The government is everywhere, which is why your story should not be.  I wonder if there’s any way to hid your sketchy details in that box of money in the backyard?
10. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I guess it would be the acorn in this case.  All four ACORN offices involved in the scandal so far have proven us one thing: a family truly can be formed in the office.  Just as blue eyes may be passed down from generation-to-generation, the tendency to make corrupt and unlawful decisions with clients is passed from ACORN employee to ACORN employee.  Maybe it’s something in the water?

What do you think of these life lessons?  If you can think of any further life lessons ACORN has taught us over the past week, leave them as a comment or send them in to theconservativejournal@gmail.com and they may be featured on the site!

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Thanks for reading!

Rick

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