The 52nd Grammy Awards Live: Recap and Review

Welcome everyone, I’m Angelica and I’ll be taking you through the journey that is the Grammy Awards!  Often times this show is a total cheese/crap fast, but there’s also usually one or two outstanding performances, so we’ll see.

Alrightttt, so the opening performance is by my own personal favorite Lady Gagme.  Her vocals are spot on and she’s wearing as little clothing as legally possible; two things you can always expect of Gaga’s performances.  The “Poker Face” part was way too theatrical for my tastes with Gaga being thrown down into a flaming tube, but when she emerged all suited up and nasty, music magic was made.  She and Elton John did a mishmash of “Speechless” and one of Elton’s songs and it was brilliant.  Lady Gaga, you are a genius.

STEPHEN COLBERT IN DA HOUSE!  This guy… this guy is my idol.  I hate award show monologues though, especially when the crowd is a bunch of high-falooting Hollywood snots.  Stephen Colbert makes a good point, “Where’s Susan Boyle?”

The first award of the night:  Song of the Year to “Single Ladies” by Beyonce.  Seriously…….?  That song is HORRENDOUS.  They didn’t even have to remix it for the chipmunk movie because it was already auto-tuned enough to fit the voices of little woodland creatures set in the highest key in music.

Why do horrible people do well in society?  Green Day does not deserve a Broadway show set to that that crap-fest album Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Back Alley of Trashed Nightmares is a more suitable title.  I’ve always gotten a kick out of the fact that even though he’s pushing 50, the lead singer still sounds like he’s 14.  I will admit that he sounds better than he did at the AMAs.

Predictably, Taylor Swift wins Best Country Album.  I used to like this girl, but she’s annoying.  She’s overplayed.  Her songs are all the same.  To prevent being long winded, that’s all I’m going to say about that.  Seeing Taylor Swift actually makes me want to turn this off, but I guess I’ll stick it out.

Beyonce is such a diva!  I hate this song (“If I Were A Boy”), but she’s knocking it so far out of the park that I forgot all about Miley Cyrus winning Best Country Album………….. wait, or was that Taylor Swift?  See, I forgot.  Beyonce, you are a class act.

Next up we have Pink in some kind of white turban dress thing singing some song about glitter, or at least that’s all I can get out of it (I think it’s actually “Glitter in the Air”).  Anndddd now she’s removed the turban get-up and she’s……….. naked?  I don’t think glitter in your censored areas is really considered clothing.  It’s amazing that this girl can still sing well when all contorted on a floating blanket thing.  That was weird, but I’ll say that she sang very well.

Woahhh, The Zac Brown Band won Best New Artist?  That’s surprising.  They’re cool, but I was going for either MGMT or The Ting Tings.  Oh well.  Tony Braxton won Best New Artist and it was exactly a boost to her career.

Alright, I love The Black Eyed Peas, but “Imma Be” is the worst song I’ve ever heard.  I’m glad they switched into “I Gotta Feeling” because that’s one trillion infinity times better than “Imma Be.”  The Grammy people are really going for weird this year.  The Peas are sharing the stage with life sized robot toys.

Lady Antebellum introduced by the JoBroHoes. “Need You Now” is a great song and I love this group.  I just get over how different Hillary (girl singer) sounds in real life.  It’s not bad, it’s just way different than studio.  She kind of sounds like Alanis Morissette in a weird way.  Props to the guy singer, though, because he sounds better live than in studio.

Oh gosh, the comedy album nominees are notorious for being not funny.  With the one exception being Stephen Colbert’s Christmas album, which I own and love dearly.  And it won!  Wooo!  Congrats, Stephen!

Record of the Year goes to “Use Somebody” by Kings of Leon!!  That’s freakin awesome I can’t believe it.  I love this band so much and I honestly I considered them the least likely to take this award.  Wow, what a pleasant surprise!  ”I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little drunk,” thanks for being honest, Kings of Leon guy.

Oh my gosh I hate Jamie Foxx.  I didn’t think it was possible for someone to carry around that much ego.  He’s just one of those guys I just hate.  And his performance of “Blame It” is so horribly processed that I don’t even consider that music.  To make matters worse they bring out Slash.  This is a disaster, let’s please move on.

Justin Bieber looks even more like a fetus when he’s next to Ke$ha, who is kind of a giant.

And Green Day takes Best Rock Album for their crap fest “21st Century Breakdown.”  Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

What a soulful take on “America the Beautiful” courtesy of Best New Artist the Zac Brown Band.  Gotta love a little patriotism!  They also pull the patriotic part out of “Chicken Fried” and tack that on to the end.  I’ll give Zac Brown this: he sounds EXACTLY like he does on the recorded up.

I would love to take a bathroom break during Taylor’s cheesefest performance but it’s like a train wreck that I just can’t turn away from.  Actually, I think her management has finally figured out what to do about her lack of singing ability; give her songs that are made up of one note over and over again.  Because until it starts to deviate from that note she doesn’t make my ears bleed.  WHAT IS STEVIE KNICKS DOING UP THERE???  GET AWAY FROM HER STEVIE SHE’LL RUIN YOU.  And now we merge into one of her cornfest songs that I can’t tell from another one of her cornfest songs, but this time it sounds like it’s a bluegrass song.  I forgot to get my vomit bucket out of the garage before this started.  YIKES.

3D glasses time!!  I love a good tribute, even if it’s for Michael Jackson.  The 3D is no Avatar level 3D, but it’s pretty cool for home viewing. Celine Dion, Usher, Carrie Underwood, Jennifer Hudson, and Smokey Robinson is a pretty random lineup, I must admit.  The humming part of this song is really beautiful, I’m not crazy about Michael Jackson but the 5 modern stars rocking out to this are doing great.  Wow, Carrie Underwood can BELT!  I never really considered her to be one of the great voices of our time, but she killed her part.  I expected as much from Celine and Jennifer, but Carrie really surprised me!  Wow!  Great tribute, great singers.  Very impressed.

Bon Jovi is performing…………… eh I’m gonna use this time to go get some more water.

“Run This Town” for Best Rap Collaboration.  I have to admit, that song is awesome!

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