44th Annual CMA Awards 2010 Recap: A Good Night for Miranda Lambert, Great Performances by Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson

Howdy everyone, Angelica here. I’ll be recapping the always vomit-inducing CMA Awards.  Here we go:

The show actually starts out with a bang, with Co-Host Carrie Underwood throwing down her rockin’ country number “Songs Like This”.  Until the last Grammy Awards, I had written Underwood off as a boring poptart.  She’s proven me wrong though, and this performance showed more attitude, charisma, and vocal stamina than I ever would have thought she had.  Truly wonderful, and a great start to the show.

Hosts Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood start the night ripping on BP and picking on Gwyneth Paltrow for joining the country music community.  Brad and Carrie seem much more comfortable this year, and their banter is actually funny!  I’m known for my snark, not my warm, fuzzy feelings.  So the CMA’s can’t keep being entertaining.  I’ll implode.

Here’s a quick way to make it suck: let Ty Pennington and the truly deplorable LeAnne Rimes present the results for Single of the Year. Predictably, Lady Antebellum takes the win for “Need You Now”.  Meh.  That song is just a polished booty-call.

Rascal Flatts takes the stage to sing/drown-me-with-melisma with “Why Wait”.  Not my thing.  Though Gary LeVox’s purple blouse is identical to something Cam would wear on Modern Family. That makes me wish Modern Family was on.  Wahh.

The full-breasted Kellie Pickler takes the stage to introduce the Song of the Year winner, which is somehow different than the Single of the Year in that it…….. actually there’s no difference.  Miranda Lambert takes this one for “The House that Built Me”, which is actually a gorgeous song.  Miranda is one bad bee-otch.

Carrie and Brad poke fun at celebrity marriage, with Brad making an awkward that’s what she’s said.  Country music fans do not appreciate the crudeness of that’s what she said.

Blake Shelton takes the stage to sing about “feel good pills and red Gatorade”, which is my cue to leave the room.  Shelton does sound just like he does on record, so that’s a plus.  But his song’s subject matter is objectionable.

Today’s Miranda Lambert’s birthday!  Even though it’s your birthday, Mir, I find your new single “The Way the World Goes Round” to be a real stinker.  Why can’t we hear that song about building houses?  It won an award, you know.

Due to the massive size of this recap, we have the rest of it after the jump.  Click “keep reading” to get the rest of your CMA fix.

Poor Little Jimmy Dickens, The CMAs sure give him hell.  I must say though, this Jimmy Dickens skit made me convulse with laughter.  Carrie and Brad joke that little Jimmy is the new Nashville Flood Warning system.  Jimmy “yells,” “Get out errybodyyyy!”.  You have to watch it.

Country’s King George Strait takes the stage with his strangely haunting ”Take Your Breath Away”.  I grew up loving King George (Strait, not Bush), so I like this for that reason.  The song is different, and he gets creativity points with that.

Darius Rucker of Hootie and the WhoCares, presents the winner for NewArtist of the Year, which goes to the Zac Brown Band. Aside from the fact that Zac Brown looks like he lives under a bridge, I can say nothing derogatory about this band.  They are patriots, and I respect that.

Look at that, Zac Brown Band is up next.  Funny how that works out.  They sing “As She’s Walking Away” alongside Alan Jackson.  Not super loving this.  I prefer some good “Chicken Fried”.  Yum.

Is there an award for worst song of all time during this award show?  Because Kenny Chesney’s “Boys of Fall” will win, hands down.  Mark my words.  If there’s not an award for that, Kenny has really missed his calling.  Suffice it to say I took a bathroom break during his song.

Public nuisance Leighton Meester has apparently gone country?  That’s news. And she appropriately welcomes another public nuisance to sing in Ms. Taylor Swift. Small rant: I LOVED Taylor Swift when she was starting out.  Likeable girl, relatable songs.  Then I saw her sing in concert and had to run out with blood coming out of my ears.  Since then she’s continued to release the same song 10, 15, even 20 times just with a different boy substituted in as the villain.  We’re on song rehash #34 now, and it’s a one-note little ditty titled “Back to December”.  Just as Swift strays off track to hit a second note, snow begins to fall to distract you from the sonically challenged trainwreck occuring before your eyes.  Good move, CMA.  Good move.  Swift ends her song with some scrunched face WHAT?!, and everyone is legitimately confused.

Now here’s a prime example of a country group that I’ve come to love because of their limit pushing methods: SUGARLAND! The duo performs their current single “Stuck Like Glue”, complete with the awesome Reggae bridge.  I love that Jennifer basically told Country Music to suck it when they criticized that part of the song.  And now it’s #1.  Once again, a resounding “suck it”.

Lady Antebellum takes Vocal Group of the Year, of course.  I’m not surprised, they aren’t surprised, no one is surprised.  Why even give this award?

Keith Urban takes the stage to sing “I Want to Put You In A Song” or “Put You In A Song” or whatever.  It’s good, country rock.  Nothing special.

WHAT THE HOLY FLYING HELL??  REBA MCENTIRE SINGING “IF I WERE A BOY” BY THE ONE AND ONLY BEYONCE??  This much be a joke.  Am I still in America?  Did someone put LSD in my tea?  Where will the therapy group be meeting to help us deal with the aftermath of this hot mess?  On a plus, Reba’s still beautiful after all these hundreds of years.

Woahhh  my favorite soul diva Kelly Clarkson has also gone down to the farm?  That was as shocking as seeing Reba sing a Beyonce song.  Of course, Kells blows Jason Aldean onto his chaps during “Don’t You Want to Stay” with her always amazing and incredible voice.  Kelly shows that she’s still go it and a bag of chips.  Downloading this one as soon as iTunes finishes opening on this dinosaur computer.

Little Big Town panders to the Taylor Swift fans by singing “You Belong With Me” as a part of their introduction to Album of the Year and they instantly lose the little credit they had developed.  Miranda Lambert racks up yet another in this category with Revolution. You go girl.

Kid Rock takes the stage to sing something; quite frankly, I fastforwarded before he even got a word out.

Brad Paisley is a funny fellow, but I don’t get his music.  He starts singing some ode to country music and thankfully the fastforward button is still within my grasp so I can skip to the next part of this long night.

Jeff Gordon and Some Lovely Ginger present the winner for Vocal Duo of the Year.  Does it seem like we’ve already given this award away?  I think we have.  Sugarland picks up their 4th win in this category and I couldn’t be smiling bigger.  Gooooooo Jennifer Nettles!

Yawnnnnnnnn.  Oh sorry, I didn’t realize Lady Antebellum was performing; I thought that was my white noise maker turning on.  In all seriousness, the dude singer is really, really good.  I lerve him.  Ashley Scott or Hillary Swank or whatever her name is has never really impressed me.  What’s up with little white churches?  Those are often referenced in country music today, I’ve noticed.  That’s pretty much my takeaway from this.  Yeesh, I’m so harsh.  This is actually a beautiful song and Iwillbedownloadingit.  Don’t tell anyone.

The queen of inspirational music Martina McBride awards Blake Shelton with Male Vocalist of the Year?  Blake Shelton’s only accomplishment is landing a fine queen like Miranda Lambert. I will say that Blake was surprised about this award and he is genuinely excited.  I do appreciate that.

Allison Krauss’s mini-me takes the stage as the lead singer of The Band Perry to sing “If I Die Young”.  If you can get past the rather disturbing and morbid nature of “If I Die Young”, it’s actually a super awesome song from a super awesome band.  I do love them.

Carrie Underwood takes the stage to perform for the second time, this time with her latest single, “Mama’s Song”.  This song is cheesey and I hate cheese.  Usually.  This song actually means something to me, so of course generous helpings of cheese are ok.  This song isn’t terribly dynamic, but the emotional connection Carrie has makes up for that most of the time.  I can’ t believe this girl has won me over after years of protests.  She’s just too darn good.

Dearest Sissy Spacek, who looks exactly like Loretta Lynn,  introduces Miranda Lambert and Sheryl Crow as they sing a tribute to Loretta with “Coal Miner’s Daughter”.  I love some good boot-skooting classic country.  Hey, I forgot Sheryl Crow sang.  That’s weird.  The real Loretta comes out, looking beautiful at her ripe old age of one thousand.  Gotta love longevity.

Loretta then presents Miranda Lambert with yet another award!  This time it’s Female Vocalist of the Year.  Honestly, Miranda is my main bee, but I probably would have gone with Underwood on this one.  She’s too good to go home empty handed.

My favorite girl named Gwyneth takes the stage to sing “Country Strong” while also playing the guitar.  I love Gwyny, but I honestly wasn’t expecting much of this.  She actually did quite well, and I’ll eat my words about hating actresses who turn country singers to make a buck.  I still hate Leighton Meester, but she’s an anomaly.  I give Gwyneth massive props for not only singing well, but also singing live.  That’s huge.

Now for the extremely controversial Entertainer of the Year Award.  This award is controversial because of those who were nominated over “more deserving” acts.  I don’t get involved in the politics of country music, so I have no insight for ya here.  Brad Paisley wins, and accepts his award with some song about an inflatable poll playing in the background.  That about sums up Brad for me.

Well, that’s about it guys.  Hope my recap was insightful.  If not, I hope you choke on a CMA Trophy.

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Thanks for reading!

Angelica

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