American Idol Season 10 Top 13 Finalist Power Rankings: Scotty McCreery, Lauren Alaina, and Pia Toscana Lead the Pack

Read My recap of tonight’s Top 13 show by clicking HERE.

With Rick back, I’m back too!  This season of Idol doesn’t suck, so maybe I’ll be able to stick around and finish it out.  I’m not too hopeful, but we’ll see.

After a drama-filled Wild Card episode last week, the remaining Idol will sing for America’s favor tonight on the Top 13 performance show.  The theme is “Songs from artists that inspired you”.. so basically anything goes.  I hate stupid themes.  This is not my personal favorite list, but rather a measurement of who’s hot and who shouldn’t even try.  Anywayyyyy…

1. Scotty McCreery- Despite only knowing one song and having the range of an Ospry (that’s a large flightless bird. DUH), Scotty is obnoxiously popular with stupid tweeny-boppers who shouldn’t be allowed to stay up late enough to vote anyway.  I mean, what’s wrong with America’s parental units?  Scotty will likely fade as the limit of his talent becomes more obvious, but for now, he’s riding high.
2. Lauren Alaina- Lauren, orOMG LOOK AT ME LAUREN ALAINA, as I like to call her, has been blessed with the love and affection of Idol’s powers-that-be.  She can do no wrong at this point, mostly just because the producers would never allow that to make it on tv.  Regardless, she’s a good singer and her personality is big enough to have it’s own gravitational field, so of course America loves her.  America LOVES obnoxious southerners.
3. Pia Toscano- So this Jersey girl did nothing for me until she lashed into “I’ll Stand By You” with such force that even my cold heart warmed just a little.  However, Pia seems to have a penchant for picking popular, previously performed (like that consonance?) Idol tunes, which could get hopelessly annoying in later weeks.  It’s going to be important for her NOT to sing Celine, Mariah, Whitney, or any other overrated “music goddess”.
4. Casey Abrams- Okay, so his voice is not outstanding.. his personality more than makes up for it.  Casey is my personal favorite in that he brings something new to the stage every time he takes it, and American Idol rarely produces contestants who does that.  At the same time, though, America is stupid and only supports the likes of OMG LOOK AT ME LAUREN ALAINA.  Casey’s cool and clever self is doing just fine now, but when pitted up against the 3 above him, he stands no chance.
5. James Durbin- James proved last week that he hasn’t quite as terrible and obnoxious as Hollywood Week made him out to be, but American Idol viewers won’t take a subpar Adam Lambert impersonator lightly.  He’s going to have to continue to distance himself and find a new niche to make it all the way.
6. Jacob Lusk- Okay, so he looks like giving birth while he sings, American Idol needs some good ole fashioned gospel soul!  Like OMG ITS LAUREN ALAINA, Jacob has an in-your-face performance style and personality, which America loves.  He’ll probably go much farther on the show than his contemporary music career will after the show.
7. Paul McDonald- America loves his quirkiness and BLARING WHITE TEETH, but when it boils down to it, Paul doesn’t have that LOOK AT ME personality (see above), nor the ability to travel very far from his baseline voice. Still, Paul could very well have the trajectory of someone like Jason Castro, a subtle singer with a subtle personality who made it through based on his appeal with the tweeny-bops.
8. Thia Megia- Good ole Thia-bot.  She has ZERO personality and her voice isn’t anything to gawk at, but she’s got the benefit of being Asian and being 15 (America LOVES it when Ryan Seacrest reminds everyone that SHE’s ONLY 15!!!@#!!!@#!@!).  Her performance last week was passable, so she’s got positive momentum into this week.
9. Stefano Langone- Stefano has a strong, soulful voice, and Amerkur just eats that up.  At the same time, he’s marketable and easy on the eyes, so he has that going for him too.  However, something obviously hasn’t clicked with America, as he was put into the top 13 as a wild card pick.  He’ll have to give another performance on par with his “I Need You Now” during the wild card show to make a lasting impression.
10. Haley Reinhart- If Jacob Lusk sings like he’s giving birth, Haley Reinhart sings like she’s giving birth to a cactus.  Growly McGrowlerpants has a BIG OLE VOICE (as Randy so eloquently reminds us weekly), but I’m not sure that she really knows how to use it just yet.  Her misinterpretation of Alicia Keys “Fallin” last week (Haley is a hot bi***, but “Fallin” is an emotional pain song, NOT a baby-maker) shows that she may not be as artistically savvy as she needs to be.
11. Naimi Adedapo- Her last impressive performance for me was her first audition, as every subsequent attempt has been marred by misplaced notes and strange dancing.  Naimi has likability on her side though, and sometimes that means more than anything (ahem, Taylor Hicks).
12. Karen Rodriguez?- Yeah, I’m still really not sure how this one slipped into the Top 10.  She sang a drab Mariah Carey Velveeta-fest and it was mediocre at best.  Her pandering to the Spaniards is going to get real old, real fast, too.  I’d be surprised to see her hang around very long, as I imagine she’ll get lost in the shuffle.
13. Ashthon Jones- Annoying divas are soooooo 8 seasons ago.  Ashthon (what’s up with that random ‘h’?) didn’t make it into the fan-voted Top 10 with good reason.  She’s the biggest diva we’ve seen since J-HUD, only she doesn’t have the goods to back the tude up.  Her rendition of “And I Am Telling You” was like Vonzell Solomon-lite, which in food terms is like Iceberg lettuce-lite.  She’ll be gone shortly unless she starts to impress.

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Thanks for reading!

Rick

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